Description
“The Bare Minimum Never Looked So Fancy”
Look at you — pretending to be thoughtful with a greeting card. Bravo. This single, vertical masterpiece is here to rescue your reputation and make you look like you actually give a damn (we both know you don’t). Crafted from ridiculously premium 270gsm paper (thicker than your excuses), it screams, “I tried,” even if you clearly didn’t.
Whether it’s a birthday, holiday, or a passive-aggressive “thinking of you,” this card delivers just the right amount of charm, sass, and emotional outsourcing. Bonus: It’s blank inside, so you can write something heartfelt — or just draw a stick figure and call it art.
No fluff. No drama. Just one gloriously overachieving card doing all the heavy lifting.
What You Get (and Barely Deserve):
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1 vertical greeting card — because even your attention span has limits
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Thick 270gsm paper — like luxury wrapped in judgment
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Full-color, double-sided design — twice the impact, half the effort
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1/16" cover overlap — because we believe in precision, unlike your handwriting
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Blank inside — it’s your mess, write your own emotional baggage
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1 envelope — so you can seal it, send it, and disappear into the void
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Proudly made in the USA — because if you're going to fake sincerity, do it domestically
Product Features:
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Loud, unapologetic colors — subtlety is for cowards
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Premium, hold-it-up-and-feel-superior card stock
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Perfectly vertical — because you needed one thing to go right
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One size fits all… feelings, lies, and last-minute saves
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Envelope included — because shoving it in someone’s hand raw is just tacky
Care Instructions:
Gently wipe dust with a soft cloth, or just ignore it.
It’s a greeting card, not a Fabergé egg.
