Funny Birthday Card- You're Not Old

🖕 Funny Vertical Greeting Cards – Bold, Sarcastic & Barely Emotionally Available

Add a splash of joy, a pinch of sass, and a whole lot of “OMG, did they seriously send that?” with our vertical snark-packed greeting cards. These are not your grandma’s dainty notes—unless your grandma’s savage. Designed for birthdays, breakups, holidays, or any random Tuesday when passive-aggressive affection feels right.

Whether you’re celebrating life’s big wins or someone’s mediocre survival of adulthood, these vibrant vertical cards deliver eye-roll-worthy wit with just enough warmth to stay off the blacklist.

💥 What You’re Actually Getting:

• Premium vertical greeting cards in a design that stands tall—literally and emotionally.

• Bold AF full-color printing because subtlety is overrated.

• 270gsm heavyweight paper that feels fancy enough to say, “I made an effort,” even if you didn’t.

• Slight front overlap gives that polished, “I’m an adult and totally had this together” look.

• Four size options and finish choices because no celebration—or sarcasm—is one-size-fits-all.

• Matching envelopes included, because sending naked cards is a cry for help.

💌 Perfect For:

• Birthdays, holidays, new jobs, breakups, pet adoptions, or ‘just because I’m chaotic’ vibes

• Friends who deserve to laugh.

• Coworkers who won't report you to HR.

• Family members you kinda like.

• Anyone who deserves sarcasm with a bow on it.

🧽 Card Care (Yes, This Is a Thing):

Use a soft, clean, dry cloth to dust from the center outward like you’re polishing your emotional damage. Or just shake it. It’s a greeting card, not a Fabergé egg, Karen.